There's been a common theme in my one-on-one coaching sessions this month and it's tied to the idea of success. Tell me if this story sounds familiar to you.
You're really smart and great at what you do. Like the best. You've paid your dues, you work really hard and you're pretty evolved in your thinking. You've done decently well in your career—but you know you're capable of so much more. So when you evaluate your current status and the money you're making, you feel like a big failure. And feeling like a failure make you feel worthless and creates and endless cycle of negativity.
I get it. I've been there. I've had several careers over the last 12 years and I didn't always feel great in them. In fact, when I launched my agency back in 2007 and didn't make the millions I'd envisioned, I felt like a huge flop and wallowed in shame. And even when I launched my current business and wasn't immediately featured in Entrepreneur Magazine and hailed "coach of the year" I felt like I'd failed and felt shame there too. But shame owns us and keeps us stuck. So it's our job to find the shame, heal the wound and move fully into your badass amazing potential.
Below is the exercise I take myself and my clients through whenever the weight of "success" or "failure" is feeling too great. Find a quiet place and give yourself at least 30-minutes to journal on all the prompts below. And if you need more support, you can always book a session.
1. Journal on why you might currently feel like a failure. Identify and name the fear in the story you're telling. I.e. "I'm such a failure because I set a goal to get two juicy corporate clients by March and nothing has come through. I'm afraid that if I don't get those clients, I won't meet my annual goals." Notice what's a story and what are cold hard facts.
2. What is the limning belief tied to the fear? Limiting beliefs are thoughts that keep us small and stuck. I.e."If I don't make enough money and meet those annual goals it means I'm capable or good enough aka my value is tied to how much money I make."
3. Turn the thought around. Cite three examples from your life where you didn't hit your fixed goal, but still felt innately amazing and valuable because you lived and you learned. I.e. "I felt valuable when I didn't meet my revenue goals in my last sales cycle because I learned that my timeline to close these projects is 4-6 months and I got wiser about how to close these deals. So that was a major win and I felt really valuable." Make this turnaround thought your mantra and even take it into daily meditation with you, make it the background of your phone or place it on your fridge.
4. Define what success looks and feels like to you from a growth mindset perspective. According to Carol Dweck author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success "in a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.” What would make you feel successful through that lens?
5. Create an action plan to success. Based on your evolved definition of success, what actions do you need to get on the court with to achieve your newly defined success? Does it mean learning a new body of work? Getting curious about what works in your sales process? Create a 30, 60 and 90 day plan with SMART goals so you can start to embody your new definition of success. If money is coming up a lot for your in this exercise, I want you to do the money exercise in the blog post below.
6. Check back in whenever you feel stuck. If you're meeting resistance, are you in the fixed mindset? Owned by shame? Stuck in a limiting belief pattern? The process of discovery and growth is on-going so lean into it and run yourself through this process as often as you need to.
And if you need more support reach out and book a session.